2009

At the start of 09 I tried to end mine
At the start of 09 I tried to end mine
At the start of 09 I tried to end mine
That's when they put me in line.

It was cold,
It was January season
Sales made the people go mad.
I was sad
I hadn’t been agiven
Open arms to no-one I found.

And that’s how, the year began
So bad it was for me

Days went faster
I turned 18
The vampires came out
The vampires, ate me.

The boys that flew by
From eastern seas
Skin the colour brown
And hearts of black

Sex sex sex
That’s what 18’s about right?
Drinking day to night
Sleeping habits bite.

It makes you crazy
If you think about it too much
It makes you crazy
If you stop and think
Just for a moment.

At the start of 09 I tried to end mine
At the start of 09 I tried to end mine
At the start of 09 I tried to end mine
That's when they put me in line.

Summer came
I went to Wales
Met a boy
Who broke my head
Shot me once
And shot me twice
I’ll be damned if
I let it thrice

He broke my heart
He broke my head
I came inside him
On his bed
I entered him
I made him mine
But he broke my heart
And that was my 09

Back again

I haven't posted in a few months because I've been too busy at University. University really doesn't allow for an excessive social life beyond boozy nights out. I'm back in Leicester. I've been here for 2days and I already want to go into the horizon. I really want to get medically trashed. Knock myself out. Inject loads of shit into me and snort crap and take pills and smoke weed and just distort life so it's shiny and new and sexy all over again.
I'm sort of a mess atm. It was this time last year I tried to top myself. And now Brittany Murphy's gone and died. It's all too sad. I do love Christmas though. My mind works as a paradox. Christmas is the best time, so I feel the worst. Does that make any sense? I am much too complicated, yet sort of obvious.

Wanderlust

Sometimes there's a music video that you can't stop watching. I remember when Umbrella by Rihanna came out, I spent a whole day of study leave just waiting to see if it would come on the music channels. I was enthralled by it. It was just a breath of fresh air at the time.
Another video that has caught my eye is Wanderlust by Bjork. I think Bjork is sort of difficult to listen to at times, and I don't really know much of her work, but this video is amazing. The imagery is wonderful, and I think it is a well spent 7minutes. It really makes you think, in a good way.

Bjork-Wanderlust

Avatar

If you got the chance to go on a foreign planet in a body that wasn't yours would you take it? Would it depend on what type of body? I don't know. I sort of think these blue people in this trailer look sort of hot. Maybe I am just sick and twisted. Probably. Anyway, this film looks supercool and I really want to see it. It's by the same director as Titanic, so I think it will be epic. And not the ironic EPICCC that scene kids like to say, but the true-to-form meaning; amazing to epic proportions.

Break-up

They are always bad, right? In my last one, it started off so good. Well, as good as a break-up could be. Until he had to make things complicated with money. I think money always complicates things. I'd like to be able to ignore money, but I don't think that will ever happen. Even if I was affluent, I'd still suffer in some paradox or another.
Anyway, maybe break-ups can never be good per sé, but I guess they can be funny, right?

Malcom X was bi?

I was once on a question time style panel with a local MP, deputy of the city council and Jesse Jackson, the famous black-rights activist from America. He was very rude to me and you could tell he was homophobic, and sort of racist himself, which I found odd because one, he was a reverend, two, his gospel administrator was obviously gay and three, he has fought for civil rights his whole life? It's sad that some people are deluded into thinking some people deserve rights more than others...when in fact, we're all equal. The sort-of racism was down to the fact he thought he would be meeting a young person that was black, but I have white skin, even though my background is ethnic, he didn't bother looking into that. I thought he was a very rude person.
Anyway, there is an article on the Guardian website about black lgbts, and it's very interesting, so have a read.

Why the cover-up? So what if Malcolm X was bisexual? Does this diminish his reputation and achievements? Of course not. Whether he was gay, straight or bisexual should not matter. His stature remains, regardless of his sexual orientation. Yet many of the people who revere him seem reluctant to accept that their hero, and mine, was bisexual.

Malcom-X Bisexual Black History

Wild Horses

A housemate of mine compared me to Susan Boyle earlier this week. It was sort of a compliment, and I sort of liked it. He said that when he first met me, I looked shy and reserved, but then when he got to know me, I was crazy cool and a lot of fun, like how Susan Boyle looked different to how she sounded. I thought it was a really nice thing to say, and I am truly glad to be compared to SuBo. Anyway, she has a new single, and it's really beautiful. It's called Wild Horses and it's a cover, but she's made it her own.

P.S. Sorry for all of you who were expecting a cover of Natasha Bedingfield's Wild Horses, which is an equally beautiful song. Actually, I think SuBo's surpasses that just about.

Addict

I was just browsing through spotify when I found a few old gems. Jennifer Paige-Crush, Ultravox-Vienna and finally, Five Star-System Addict. If you haven't heard this, give it a try. It's so awfully produced and, is just generally awful, in the most amazing way!

Five Star - System Addict

John and Edward

So I'm in halls, as I'm in Uni, so I don't have a t.v. However, I did find sneaky ways of watching XFactor clips last week, and was shocked at one performance in particular. In John and Edward's performance of Britney's Oops, I Did it Again, there was an almost incestual moment when they re-enacted the 'necklace in the ocean' sequence. It was so..odd. I know it happened a week ago, and I have been pondering whether or not to post it, but finally now I think as a precedent to tonight performance I will post it. Because ultimately, it's British television gold!

Heather and Darren

Okay, so the big 'Who's the Daddy?' storyline ended this week, and wasn't its disgusting! Heather, who is 42 and severely obese mothered a child with Darren Miller! Who is 18, and really skinny! How odd...how...wrong. I just don't understand these writers. The actress who plays Heather said she assumed both characters were virgins at the time of conception, which is just an awful thought. Darren is a good guy, he's not bad looking (see earlier porn-star look-a-like post) and he's ambitious, with business ambitions and a fiancé at Oxford. I just don't understand why he would ever get with Heather..He would have only just turned 18 when he got with Heather. I know it's only fictional but woah, it affects me in ways it really shouldn't!

Uniquety

I think uniquety was one of the words Shakespeare made that never caught on. Maybe I am just imagining it. Anyway, I was just thinking about an ex of mine. My latest battle scar, a young man with the mind of a child and the heart of a goat, but the money of an adult. I needed to buy some food the other day, and I saw his favourite soup was on offer. Mentally I debated, should I avoid anything that reminds me of him. But I took a step back and said "Don't let a fool stop you from making choices that could affect you for the better!" So I took that carton of soup from the refrigerated cabinet, and told the shop assistant I would be purchasing it at the reduced price!
I took it back to my shared kitchen and later on, with a bread roll, drank/ate the soup and several things ensued. I burnt my tongue because it was too hot. Also, I realised how bland it was. It made me laugh. My ex was a very bland person, who insisted on trying to be different. He has his own blog, which I just visited, and he uses long words he doesn't know the meanings to, and immature imagery. He's 5 years my senior but he writes like a 14 year old emo. I pity him, in his spoit child persona, but hating the world thinking it's done him some injustice. Maybe I am sad because I am writing this in a parody, styling my writing pretentiously and dwelling on the past. But sometimes, you need to just let your anger out, because even though I am fully over him, I am not fully over the pain I let myself succumb with him. I don't forgive myself yet, so maybe I just need to work out how to do that, and fully move on.
I didn't aim for this to be so serious, but maybe asking for help wouldn't be too outlandish?

P.s. This is the goddamn awful soup. I much prefer the chicken one, it's cheaper, tastier and altogether more meatier!

Bonne

So I have started University. I'm really enjoying it so far, but I've been out basically every night in the past ten days and now fresher's flu has got to me. My nose is very very sore, and I think it won't be easy for me to sleep when I need to blow my nose all the time! I've met a lot of nice people here and so far I am having a good time. I am still apprehensive and nervous in a sort of paranoid and fickle sense, but I am happy with a lot of the people I have met so far.
I had a lot of fun on the army and navy night, the bar crawl, and last night at a foam party. It's all quite odd really, being alone and independent. I really miss my dog and mum, it's quite sad really.
There's this song I can't stop listening to by Leighton Meester off Gossip Girl. Meester is a very odd name isn't it? Anyway, here is her song with guest vocals from Robin Thicke, which are a tadd annoying, but overall the song is nice.

London Fashion Week

On Monday I went to see my friend Zach's show at London Fashion Week. He was styling for the BBC Blast Fashion Project which had created in 6months a collection by the name of 1.Wo/Man (read One Woman, One Man). The collection itself was a bit all over the place, but there were a lot of impressive elements. I really liked the use of space and the loose, fresh youthfulness of the silhouettes. The androgynous styling was really good, and I loved the use of freeflowing hair and make-up. I was informed that the tee-shirts used were those of competitions entrants who entered a competition to create tee designs which would be presented at LDN fashion week and sold for charity (Children in Need), which explained their odd placement and lacklustre effect as part of the outfits as a whole. Ultimately, it was an impressive show for a first time team where all the members were between the ages of 15-19.

Below is a picture of a model, and I am in the background. If you can spot me, I will give you a special surprise. Although I must point out I'm a guy...and there's basically only one prominent male in the background.


Oh, and I also hear The Dolly Rockers (who opened the show) are complete divas! Which is odd considering their first (and only thus far) single didn't even chart! Karma, eh?

This Charming Man

I saw (500)Days of Summer last week and was thoroughly disappointed. I didn't think the two leads went well together. I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Mysterious Skin and Brick, and he didn't let me down. But that Zooey Deschanel was terribly tiresome. She just reminds me of Katy Perry too much. And her character was so annoying. The plot was weak as well. On reflection, I understood the significance. His experience with 'Summer' taught him a lot in ways. But ultimately, I thought it was overated and at parts predictable. One thing I got from it was a lesson in good music. There was lots of Regina Spektor splattered about, who I love anyway. But there were a few excerts of The Smiths, who I hadn't really paid attention to prior. I know they are old and Morrisey does all his solo stuff now, but I after wearing myself out the past week on spotify listening to their top 5 rated tracks, I think I can honestly say I am a (lacklustre) true fan!

Here is my favourite song, and probably a lot of peoples, so apologies for riding the band-wagon, There is a light that never goes out:

Bonjour!

It's that time of year again...Dieux Du Stade is back! As anyone who knows me knows I don't like porn, I thrive off these sensual soft-core offerings. It is the 10th anniversaire so I expected some good photos, and thus far I have been pleased. Below are my top three:

1.James Haskell


2.Olly Barkley


3.Aristide Barraud

Queer

When I look for porn, I tend to search for straight guys? I actually tend not towatch porn, I just watch clips of male celebs and Dieux Du Stade. I'm really a big lightweight. But I'm getting a bit bored so I asked a fellow gay man to tell me a good place to look for some so he told me englishlads.com
I spent all of 5minutes looking through the 'models' but was sort of disappointed. Everyone is so effing perfect.
But I was surprised to find a really inviting profile shot of a guy who is apparently gay. I didn't look at the body shots, but his face was alluring. I probably only like him because he looks like Tom Hardy, who I'm a bit obsessed with.



On second glance, he sort of looks like the type of guy that would be a knob in person. Anyone who performs well in porn must have gallons of self-esteem, surely?

23/9/09: He sort of looks like Darren Miller from Eastenders?

Eden

Why is privacy such a fucking privilege nowadays? I turn on my t.v, and it's all over the news. I look at the computer and it's on every single page of my screen. I listen to the radio, and Tulip Mazunda is telling me what's what. Everything is documented!
If you took a glance, you might see that information is everywhere. That knowledge (?) is everywhere.
But if you took a step back, and gave a moment to adjust, you'd see that everything is being psycho-analysed. Every motion nit-picked till it's death and spread over 'social-networking' sites and texted from phone to phone. No-one needs to walk or interact face-to-face anymore; everything is just there.
And if you google any celebrity, there's bound to be a nude photo of them.
Ultimately, if everyone can see you naked, what have you got left?

Normally, nudity at the end of my rant would be a good segway to posting a nude photo, but I don't think it's the right time.

I'm just another blogger, documenting human movements like they are foreign. They seem sort of foreign. Maybe I am just out of touch.

Womanly

It's funny sometimes people do thing's that if you were a spectator wouldn't seem that big of a deal, but when they happen to you, it really hurts. That isn't funny actually. Why do people say "It's funny..."? I don't know. Self-comfort?
Anyway, I found this song on youtube by an artist called Chris Garneau. It's sort of old, but I really like it. He sounds like a male Regina Spektor with tinges of the singer from Placebo, and an easy femininity.

Sleepy

I went out last night to my friend Florence's 19th Birthday Vampire Night. We all dressed like Vampires (which is what I did for my 18th aamof) with white makeup and bloody lips and fake blood everywhere (which is a pain to get off) and had vampirous coctails. It was fun. I danced like crazy just running around the club (Mosh + Sophbeck) and howling. It's odd because lots of people go clubbing to hook up, but that's too much hard work. If you go for that then you restrict yourself from acting crazy. And what's the point of drinking, if you're not going to get drunk, so you can't act crazy? Maybe I am missing something. I am really young so I guess I'll learn a lot more about drinking skills. Maybe I'm not at my sexual peak.
So anyway, I crashed at Florence's sister's, and got up about 12.30 today. Got home and found Miley Cyrus had made a music video to her song that I'm obsessed with. I don't know why, she's sort of, annoying? But I feel bad saying that because she's quite a bit younger than me. But the song is really nice and I'm not ashamed of saying that.

Prince of Egypt

I just turned BBC1 on for a few minutes and watched a small segment of the movie Prince of Egypt. I became infuriated almost instantaneously. It is such hyperbolic propaganda and exaggeration of the Bible. I saw the part where Moses spoke to the burning bush which was supposed to be 'God', but was very rude and said he would "spite Egypt with his wonderful wrath" or something along those lines. I thought 'God' was all-loving and opening? He's wrathful too? Gosh, Christianity is so stupid, but people actually believe it.
Then Moses told his wife he had to go to Egypt and she had this angry face and said "You can't go, you are just one person!" That was bogus too because in those days she probably wasn't allowed to speak up to him and if she had said that Moses would have just slapped her one or proclaimed her possessed! It's all so sensationalist.
And the final bit I watched was when he walked back into Egypt and he saw his brother, now the Pharaoh, and gave him a hug. And get this, the Pharaoh had an english accent whilst good ol' Moses had an American! So stupid! 1.Brothers who grew up together would not have differening accents 2.American's always have English people as bad guys...why is this?! 3.It is so far-fetched! Ahh
And to top it all, The Prince of Egypt is in my 2002 Guiness World Records book as the most expensive animated film ever...and it's awful, simply awful!
I am infuriated.
I just googled 'Prince of Egypt Naked' and this is the best I got, a picture of his brother...


Christians, go fuck em!

Feelings have gone

I have come to a point in my life where everything is changing. Actually, I have always felt like everything is constantly changing. I guess life is hard like that when everyone is moving so fast and being so competitive. Anyway, I really like Basement Jaxx's new song featuring Sam Sparro. I think Sam Sparro has an amazing voice; so much soul. It's called Feeling's Gone, and I can really relate to it. But let's not be sad! It's a happy tune :)

Double X

I heard of The XX about 2weeks ago when I saw them on BBC3 late night at some festival. They were really good and had this mysterious sound about them. Like Brian Eno, but more haunting. Here is the video for Basic Space. They are sort of pretentious and the video is awful, but I really like the disjointed beat and lyrics.

Hola

Are introductions necessary to garner a first impression? Maybe. Sometimes people have their mind made up before they have even met you. That is a very vague thing to have said isn't it? I am a very vague person.
I just looked at my profile and it said my zodiac sign is a sheep. I resent that; I am a ram. Strong and ungraceful, with a tenacious attitude. Or maybe I am just wooly and weak with a reliant attitude. Maybe.
Well, as Yma Sumac said: "Goomba Boomba".
Oh, and for all intent purposes, I am Otter.


She was wonderful.