Have I really only got one day left of being 18?

I think from now on I'll just lie back and let the beats wash over me like lines and water.

42

A year ago six years ago
I was a boy
six years ago
then I was fucked
then I was fucked
I came and came
and I have fucked
Sex broke my back
It broke my heart
I feel like
I'm at the start
I walked with her
I walked in lines
With the dog at my side
and my head in 12 fines
I held her hand
I kissed her lips
I placed my hands
around his hips
I hit his dick
He hit my head
I kissed her face
Inside her bed
I told her love
I told him love
I hated God
I hated love
I grew through years
through one or six
But now all I do
Is think of fat dicks

Apathy Palace

I'm still stuck in apathy palace
These burgundy walls of hatred
and lost time
Slipping away
Bricks made of sand
seeping into cracks of my mind
and my eyes
My third eye shooting around
the boneskull
like water over skin

I'm still stuck in these walls
in this cave
ever close
ever in.

PHOTD

Talking in your sleep

PHOTD

When your back aches after a long shift and you realise you won't be doing any uni work tomorrow.

BLATH

Everybody's drunk
Vodka, whiskey
rum and beer
The kitchen's a fucking tip
and the work-top's never clear

The music's always buzzing
a dnb or indie track
I prefer com pop
so I think that's pretty whack

The dirty dishes building up
there's pasta in a bowl
I'm sure it's been there at least two days
So that is fucking fowl.

We've got some people coming over
for a bevy and a dance
I think we're playing ring of fire
It'll put us in a trance

Student life
it's oh so fucking obvious
It's dirty
and I love it

Haircut

Along the reverie
Rio to silver shore
Silk and mercury
dance a trickled
Chorused with beads on steel.
A halo a halo
around your head
Hair on hair on hair
on your soul
I'll dance along
your dainty reverie
I'll bead your black hair
Thick and native
I'll beat it good
To do each hair
like metal straw.

something's cooking

something's cooking
something good
i can smell it
yummy stuff
i popped it in
20 ago
and when i open up
it'll smell so

alas i went to the door
i propped it open too
the steam clouded my lens
and created a translucent hue

the smoke didn't smell so good
i felt it was a bit burnt
the air of too long and carelessness
like times that i had learnt

somethings cooking
something good
i cooked some chicken
but now it's lamb.

okay

breathe in
breathe out
the smoke around my mouth
out and out it goes
in my skin
through my lips
absorb into my cotton shirt
i breathe in smoke
so that it hurts
the cigarette between my lips
the skin and fat lie on my hips
i hold them close
to keep the warmth
as i walk around
in circles and
circles
and lines
that are fine
i stare with my eyes
i cannot cry
i am immune
i smoke through my veins
and i point fun at you
i blow at the air
i blow at the earth
i blow into the face
of the planet that gave you birth

a mosquito flew by
and tried to suck my blood
but i squashed it flat
before it even could
i clapped it between
my fat handed palms
i made a noise
and i caused it some harm
i killed it quickly
because thats what i do
i killed our love
because i always hated you

i though it was fair
i knew it was right
the love was never there
there was nothing to light
the fire i doused
with my tears on your sheets
i never knew love
and that brought defeat

to waste ones time
is a crime in itself
to waste ones compassion
is to waste ones good health
i put you in a coma
i kept it for days
to hurt someone is hard
but for you to obey

was impossible,
because you're a feat unto yourself.

Music

Ecouté
Ecouté
Ecouté
Ecouté
Why is no-one listening?

Hear me gently
hear my call
Hear me whisper
into the wall

The cement absorbs me-
the word is through;
Grey and browns-
accept my hue.

I'll lift my arms
I'll throw them high
My voice hits the clouds
And into the sky

The waves reverberate
Songs of symbols true
Colours for each word
Ones you never knew

Every day is changing
All the moments a single record
My eyes are glazed with fear
But my heart plucks it's own chord.

Cooking a new meal

Left in the oven too long
it's burning
burning
Before it even went in
It was rotting
greying

Fresh mushrooms
said the label.

Fresh start
said the year.

Everything is fresh
but my skin is stretching
my stomach is slumped.
I am rotting
not cooking
not brewing

Something new
something new
Forever stuck
in this blue hue.

The End

There's nothing I need to do now.
The book is finished.

Paper was rough;
gently weathered
A woody beige with black
lines and numbers

I've looked a thousand times,
I've read a few,
I took it in once
and spat it onto you.

I'm closing it now-
all the way-
I'll take it to the charity shop
For another suckers play.

It will get old-
lessons will be learnt-
pages will be torn-
and annotations will ensue

But the moral will the stay the same
and the man is the one to blame.
But now I will close the book,
and throw the past away.

Maybe I'll add it to the fire
I'll let it burn all night
And when the flames die
All will be sunlight

I'll see the trees,
and smell the soil,
and the sun dappled
on my face.

To know the sun,
and the moon
is to really
know your place.

Growth

Climb over and over
I'd do it all over
Again for another day
Is not too long
or far away
Only time;
It's effervescent
Quiet days
are there in waiting.
Slightly moving
Barely hovering
Like glaciers from past
or mountains from present.

All the motions
waves and trenches
Soil rolling
down the hill.
Getting bigger
Like a snowball
Soil on soil
on soil on soil
Worms and dirt
and bits of leaves.
Growing more,
like a pearl.

Easy

The snow fell with grace
Simple and clean
It piled and grew.

Boots are still tricky
Soles are not slippy
But imprints in the snow
Remain for a while

I'm easy to forget
Not much to remember
Nothing serious
Nothing fresh
I'm easy to forget

If I did bad things
Then why am I still here?
The rain may stop
But it will just fall
the day after next.

The sun and the moon;
all day and night.
A crisp blue hue
and a shining lava,
light my pane.

This is an image
that remains like
a thundery sea.
But I am just
a wave amongst others;
I'm easy to forget.

Fruit fly

Fruit fly
Beady eye
Looking down
I spy
Over me
Through me
You look straight
Through me

I know you're watching
I know you're still
on you dusty
window sill
I see your shadow
I see your eye
I see through the glass
Fruit fly

Continental Suicide

People kill themselves in forest
a friend told me
In Japan
Everything is mad
Mad hatters
Mad mad hats
and Tiny bags
and Tiny boys and girls
and Tiny smiles
and nothing of significance
Nothing enough
Nothing enough to make them want to

Keep going
On and on
This cerebral rollercoaster
On and on
The cobbles and the sand
near the pier
With the grains
Cut through your toes
Folding heat
into glass
you are enclosed
Like a flesh marble
Rolling over
and over

Into a hole in the forest

Thirst

The more I learn
The less I become
I get smaller
and dirtier
and older

The more I learn
The less I feel
The less I want to feel

There's a cobweb
and it's growing
Silky net
Waiting ruefully
Passing wings
Fly innocently
Bugs and beetles
and little creatures
Pure and young,
and I catch them

I'm not sorry

Everything we did
Everything you said
Every time you looked at my face
I looked through
your eyes
I saw
the other side

Every night we spent
Every day I lent
Every moment when
I was all yours
I was sort of away
In my head

Streets, pavements a mess
The cracks, uneven
tiles are bent
Feel rough
underneath the canvas
of my feet.
We walk
on and on
I don't want to go further
I'm gonna turn it off
This song is ending
I can't listen to it
over and over again

Quit throwing words around
You throw them like fences
Right into the ground
Around my feet
I'm headed towards
A horrible defeat
You're saying
things that hurt
But I can't do this
I can't do this anymore
I know it's hard
But I'm not sorry

Because, at the end of the day
You told me I was yours
You told me everything was okay
But you lied
I couldn't trust you
I'm not weak
I would never let you
Walk all over me

And you act like
I'm the one who hurt you
For fucks sake
I never meant to hurt you
You're the one who broke my heart
You were the one
With all the fucking

Space
You had age
You had money
You had all of the power
I was always nothing to you
But I'm not bowing down to you

Quit throwing words around
You throw them like fences
Right into the ground
Around my feet
I'm headed towards
A horrible defeat
You're saying
things that hurt
But I can't do this
I can't do this anymore
I know it's hard
But I'm not sorry

Everything we did
Everything you said
Every word I meant.